I’d like to share my most embarrassing parenting story.

When my son was around 6 or 7, he started getting homework from school. He didn’t like doing it. At around the same time, I decided that I was no longer going to spank him. As a substitute, I would use the principle of “my house, my rules”. If you don’t abide by the rules, then you can’t live in my house. Doing homework was one of the rules.

So one fine day, he dug in his heels and refused to do his homework. I told him that if he didn’t do it, he couldn’t live with us any longer. Still he wouldn't do his homework, so I had to take things up a notch. I picked him up and deposited him outside the front door.

Surely now he would fold? But he didn't. Instead he looked at me in disbelief, then turned around and walked away.

We lived in a gated community, so it was safe for him to wander off. I was a little worried though. If he didn’t come back before dark in a few hours, I would have to go looking for him. I would have to blink first.

Dusk came and still no sign of him. Just as I was about to go out and find him, I noticed him out of the corner of my eye, standing in the back garden. Phew!

Perhaps he was ready to concede, I don’t know. Perhaps I could even have gone out and claimed a magnanimous victory. But deep down I knew my strategy was flawed. So I went out and just negotiated a peace with him.

My “silver bullet” solution was a dud. It was far too simplistic for such a complex problem.

Enter Bomad

Fast forward a few years. As Bomad really started working well in our family, I realized that it offers a similar temptation. Didn’t finish your homework? Let me quickly open Bomad and deduct some money. 2nd time this week? I’ll take off twice as much!

But once bitten, twice shy. I knew better. I’ve never been tempted to use Bomad this way. But I’m sure many other parents have. Hence this word of warning.

Arbitrary punishment

I’m no parenting expert, but I think the problem lies in the arbitrary nature of the punishment. If you deduct money from your kids on a whim in order to get them to behave the way you want, then you are using Bomad as a social credit system to control them.

Think about it from your own perspective: you expect extra bank charges for lost cards or overdrawn accounts, but not for arbitrary bad behavior (like buying fast food too often, or forgetting to update your address).

Of course it's very different when you have agreed up-front that some negative behavior carries a financial penalty. Then your child knows what to expect and they don’t feel robbed. But I must admit that I haven’t tried this; our family deals with misbehavior outside of Bomad and money.

Negative associations with money

We all want our kids to be positively disposed toward money. We want them to learn to use it effectively. But if their first experience with money is clouded with negativity - Dad just takes my money whenever he doesn’t like something I do - they could develop very negative associations with money, which could affect them into adulthood.

In conclusion

I must confess that I have joked with my kids about deducting money in Bomad if they don’t do what I want. I can’t remember what outlandish request I made after dinner, but both my kids laughingly refused. Then I took out my phone and threatened to deduct some money in Bomad if they didn’t comply.

Things got very serious very quickly. At first they were stunned, but that quickly turned to disbelief and defiance. I quickly told them I was joking, but I got a very real sense that they would deeply resent me using Bomad in this way. I was quite surprised by the intensity of their reaction.

I hope this has been helpful, and I really hope I haven’t offended anyone. I just want to encourage you to be mindful of the way you use Bomad.